Dialogue With Elijah

Hello,

My name is Elijah Joubert I’m currently on Texas Death Row, where I’ve been for the last 13 and a half years fighting for my life and my freedom.  Honestly I have never thought or imagined that my life would spiral out of control down the road of destructure where I landed myself on Texas Death Row. I really can’t describe or put into words how I felt inside, when I was given the death penalty by the State of Texas. All I can tell you is that it was surreal, I still don’t remember how I got back to my cell at the county jail.  That’s a life experience I’m still trying to understand and remember to this day.  The closest thing I can call it is an outer body experience, because it was as if I was seeing things from the outside of myself, but not really able to understand it or remember it. I didn’t come back into myself until I was back in my cell in the county jail.  That’s when the turmoil and self loathing arrived, and I realized the State of Texas had just sentenced me to death.  I didn’t know what was going to happen next or what was in store for me all I knew was I’m about to die.  Only if I truly knew the road, journey and life I was about to endure one I got to Texas Death Row.  I arrived at the Polunsky Unit (which is where they house Death Row) back on January 13th 2005.  By the time I got here from the bus ride, I had prepared and embraced myself to die and be executed.  I thought I would be placed in a cell and then within a few hours they would be back to get me and take me to the death chamber.  After about three hours in the cell, I became agitated and frustrated I was ready to get this over with. I stepped to the door and lightly got the attention of my neighbour next door to me. I asked him “so when are these folks going to come get me to execute me?  I’m ready to get this over with, hope they don’t wait til about 10:00 or 11:00 tonight.”  That’s when he explained the whole appeals process to me.  In the moment of him explaining things to me, I began to understand what I’m abut to face here on Death Row.  It’s one thing my neighbour Richard Cobb didn’t tell me or prepare for that day, and that’s the psychological torture I would face while fighting my appeals. You’re not just face with the stress and frustration of fighting for your life, it’s so many things you’re fighting and battling on a daily basis here on Death Row.  The isolation, abandonment, loneliness, fear, aggression, incompetent attorneys, harsh conditions of living, on top of all the strife you deal with throughout the day from the guards.  The biggest test is learning as you go, because you constantly fall into traps that causes you to bump your head, so you fall into the setups and endure the pain, grief, challenges and setbacks.  If you’re not strong mentally this environment will break you, some choose to shut down and become a recluse and never come out of their cells.  You have so much on your mind with nobody to talk to, and I’m the type of person I need to be able to talk to people.  But talking to prisoners gets old, stale and boring because after so long those conversations turn into debates, then those debates turn into arguments.  So now I’ve decided I need a new avenue and outlet to talk and express myself where it’s okay to debate but not engage in frivolous arguments.  So I decided I could blog to express myself and relieve myself of this built up tension of being held captive in Isolation.  Now I can post my thoughts and feelings and share them with anyone who’s interested in listening to what I have to say about what I go through here on Texas Death Row.  I will be thankful and highly appreciative of any comments or feedback that anyone may have due to what they have read. Thank you for your time and effort.

 

Sincerely

Elijah

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3 thoughts on “Dialogue With Elijah

  1. Elijah, I cannot even wrap my mind around what you are going thru. I can only assume you are guilty of the crime that has landed you on death row since you haven’t claimed to be innocent. I know there are as many reasons for killing someone as there are people on death row. Some are justified and some are not. But at this point in your existence I guess that doesn’t matter anymore. I have no words of wisdom for you My nephew has been in that hellhole for going on 30 years. He is not on death row but gas spend a good amount of time in isolation and I know how he has described the place. I don’t know if it’s worse to know you will die there by execution or to know you will never see freedom and eventually die in there thru years of torture from the other inmates and guards. I do know that it took him many years of going thru anger resentment self doubt hate and every other emotion to get to his current place of accepting what is to be his path. There should not be a place such as polunsky unit in existence. The guards and the powers that are in place should not be given a green light to treat other humans like animals no matter what their crime. But it is the way that Texas sees fit and time has not changed this. All I can say is that you can only make peace and get right with your God whonever that is to you personally and know that there is a new path that will follow this one. That path can be a much better and peaceful one if you will allow the good Lord to guide you there. Texas will execute you assuming your appeals fail. That is a fact. There should be some nothing you can do except dig deep into yourself and stay strong. Good bless you Elijah and I hope things go as well as possible on your journey. By the way I am the person who created the “Voices” page and thank you for your post.

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  2. Thank you for your support. Elijah was convicted under Law of Parties so although guilty of being there, he is not guilty of the crime that was committed. It’s a very sad situation and Elijah would now like to tell people his journey and struggles in his own words.

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