My name is Elijah Joubert I’m currently on Texas Death Row, where I’ve been for the last 13 and a half years fighting for my life and my freedom. Honestly I have never thought or imagined that my life would spiral out of control down the road of destructure where I landed myself on Texas Death Row. I really can’t describe or put into words how I felt inside, when I was given the death penalty by the State of Texas. All I can tell you is that it was surreal, I still don’t remember how I got back to my cell at the county jail. That’s a life experience I’m still trying to understand and remember to this day. The closest thing I can call it is an outer body experience, because it was as if I was seeing things from the outside of myself, but not really able to understand it or remember it. I didn’t come back into myself until I was back in my cell in the county jail. That’s when the turmoil and self loathing arrived, and I realized the State of Texas had just sentenced me to death. I didn’t know what was going to happen next or what was in store for me all I knew was I’m about to die. Only if I truly knew the road, journey and life I was about to endure one I got to Texas Death Row. I arrived at the Polunsky Unit (which is where they house Death Row) back on January 13th 2005. By the time I got here from the bus ride, I had prepared and embraced myself to die and be executed. I thought I would be placed in a cell and then within a few hours they would be back to get me and take me to the death chamber. After about three hours in the cell, I became agitated and frustrated I was ready to get this over with. I stepped to the door and lightly got the attention of my neighbour next door to me. I asked him “so when are these folks going to come get me to execute me? I’m ready to get this over with, hope they don’t wait til about 10:00 or 11:00 tonight.” That’s when he explained the whole appeals process to me. In the moment of him explaining things to me, I began to understand what I’m abut to face here on Death Row. It’s one thing my neighbour Richard Cobb didn’t tell me or prepare for that day, and that’s the psychological torture I would face while fighting my appeals. You’re not just face with the stress and frustration of fighting for your life, it’s so many things you’re fighting and battling on a daily basis here on Death Row. The isolation, abandonment, loneliness, fear, aggression, incompetent attorneys, harsh conditions of living, on top of all the strife you deal with throughout the day from the guards. The biggest test is learning as you go, because you constantly fall into traps that causes you to bump your head, so you fall into the setups and endure the pain, grief, challenges and setbacks. If you’re not strong mentally this environment will break you, some choose to shut down and become a recluse and never come out of their cells. You have so much on your mind with nobody to talk to, and I’m the type of person I need to be able to talk to people. But talking to prisoners gets old, stale and boring because after so long those conversations turn into debates, then those debates turn into arguments. So now I’ve decided I need a new avenue and outlet to talk and express myself where it’s okay to debate but not engage in frivolous arguments. So I decided I could blog to express myself and relieve myself of this built up tension of being held captive in Isolation. Now I can post my thoughts and feelings and share them with anyone who’s interested in listening to what I have to say about what I go through here on Texas Death Row. I will be thankful and highly appreciative of any comments or feedback that anyone may have due to what they have read. Thank you for your time and effort.